to vida

... at the moment i've been thinking about her (gertrud the choreographer) as an absent audience. 'the choreographer as audience' - in what she says to me (in Austrian, and translated on the fly into English (probably not through a screen - just sonically)).

you'll see from the work i made with students (Them & Me) that i am really interested in the noisy absence of the 'choreographer' ... but, in this case (ie in gertrud), i wonder how her critique of me as 'the dancer' might contribute to (or re/consider) contemporary viewing (as in the process of LOOKING)?

her relationship to the 'thematic' was so much simpler (ie in the 1930s) -- and much more towards the 'unequivocal'. can one be unequivocal today? or do we have a responsibility towards the equivocal? and how does cynicism fit within ideas relating to the certainty (or uncertainty) of watching/meaning? and in her (absent) watching (and the watching of the audience), how might my physical actions mirror the dissolution (death) of her corporeality?

here's Laura Marks: "a body that is not one's own, a betraying, disintegrating body; a body that slowly or quickly becomes other, at least insofar as one's identity is premised on wholeness" - from touch - sensuous theory and multisensory media p.92

she is watching me
she is audience
she is past
she is my past